Andy's Dad's Eye View of His Wife's Birth Journey.

You can read Kerrie's birth story on my website (click here to be directed to it) but I particularly wanted to share Andy's take on it, quite simply because it's not very often that I get a birth story written through the eyes of a father. Here is Andy's honest and powerful take on their birth experience. It shows how much of an impact care providers can have (both positive and negative), and the importance of being knowledgeable and prepared for what may come your way! The decision of what happens to you, your baby and your body is 100% yours, but I won't sit here typing this and lie to you that that will always be respected unfortunately. Andy tells it as it was for him!

"43+ 2 Weeks

After reading all we could find on pregnancy and child birth my wife and I couldn’t wait to meet our little baby, during the pregnancy we attended a hypnobirthing course with Terri at Cornwall hypnobirthing. Although this taught us many things one thing that stuck in both of our minds was the importance of patience, oh boy did we need that!

The elephant in the room during our pregnancy was Covid 19 and so I’ll touch on that because if and when it all goes away there were benefits from it that maybe useful to others. Obviously what happened world wide was tragic but in my opinion there was only a few negative ways it affected us. The biggest of these downsides being I could no longer accompany my wife to the midwife appointments or her final scan. I just got to sit in the carpark and wait for her like a lemon. I wasn’t upset for me at all just felt a bit useless and for a man that’s not how we want to feel. Other than that, the reduction in available distractions and our seriously reduced social circle all played into our hands meaning the two of us got some much needed rest and time together, I was stressed at work (we both run our own businesses) but my wife was incredibly understanding of that and certainly in the final 6 weeks of the pregnancy all this seemed to bring us closer together. The only other way in which Covid changed our plan is that we had originally planned to go to the birth centre in Truro but at around 35 weeks we decided we felt more comfortable having the baby at home, this is something we had considered before but Covid gave us the final push we needed and I’m glad it did. Only slight issue is our home is a bit of a building site, 300 years old with narrow stairs and has terrible access, needless to say our less than supportive midwife was not impressed. Never ones to be easily swayed, we made our decision and we stuck to it. I think it’s fair to say that it was after this that the less than satisfactory care we had received from our midwife went further down hill, more on that later.

After what can only be described as a beautiful pregnancy with minimal discomfort and sickness we both arrived at 37 weeks fresh faced and perhaps too ready. At 38 weeks my wife got “the show” and we both had a gut feeling the baby was on its way, in what in hindsight could now be seen as a silly move we jumped in the car and picked up the last few things on our list and ended up being busy all day, long story short, the baby didn’t come, if nothing else though, it brought it home that it could be any time now.

Hypnobirthing had made us very excited about our birth and although there is always trepidation I personally felt very confident in my role as birth partner, it was so clear in my mind what I needed to do that I could clearly visualise it. I think that is probably worth doing for any birth partner who hasn’t been at a birth before, unbeknown to my wife I spent a fair bit of time visualising a not so successful birth also but always with the desired outcome, this gave me confidence I could cope if things did go wrong but I was careful not to discuss that with my wife as what you visualise has a habit of becoming a reality. I’m very practically minded so knew I would need a gauge on which to base any decisions, I chose heart rate and blood pressure and decided that regardless of time, changes in these would be the only time I would consider a change of plan. This did cause me a slight panic at one stage that perhaps I should have prepared better for but we’ll come to that later.

Once we hit 40 weeks we were really hopeful of an arrival soon but knew that it could be a lot longer so we needed to stay calm, this is where the fact finding on stats came in as we had been made aware that pressure from the medics to be induced would become more and more intense. At around 40+2 my wife had another appointment with her midwife, she didn’t get the support she needed just offered a “sweep” as if it was a werthers original and a lecture about late babies. Also told the baby was back to back but with no advice on how they may be turned, we also now know the baby likely went back to back as a result of sitting with her feet up to reduce swelling (Midwife’s orders) She left in tears and I was angry!

Needless to say we didn’t hurry to make another appointment with our current midwife. All her checks had been great and we knew that a baby is not overdue until 42 weeks, we also knew that dating scans are not that accurate (although there haven’t been many studies) the only one we could find said +\- 15 days, we also had a suspicion that our date was 10 days out. I should say here that I’m sure in certain situations our midwife was very capable however we found her to not be interested in facts (something very important to my wife) and to be quite robotic, we just didn’t click and definitely should have changed sooner.

At 42 weeks our research suggested that two areas of concern are amniotic fluid levels and the ageing placenta (although there is no real evidence of the latter) a quick scan of the NHS guidance said we were entitled to, and encouraged to have a couple scans a week and hence on the Sunday of 42 I took my wife in for a check up and she booked a scan, My wife was given the litigation “against guidelines” talk and it was agreed that this would not be mentioned again, they said they would send evidence to back up their guidelines (ironically in the post, if they really wanted us to have it they would have been emailed it but this was purely a litigation action which I entirely understand albeit a little insensitive) they wanted us to have check ups everyday but that wasn’t for us, we live too far away and our priority was staying chilled but we did stick to the scans, thankfully the results were good but after the first scan, Kerrie was encouraged to go and see the midwife, BIG MISTAKE. This was the second time she left in floods of tears, I can’t tell you how angry I was that someone who’s job it is to support the mother would do this for a second time. To cut a long story short she told my extremely well researched and highly intellectual wife that our baby might die if they weren’t induced and it wasn’t a time to be ‘selfish’ she failed to provide any evidence for this scare mongering and pretty much wouldn’t let her leave until she accepted she was being selfish.

The good news is that this spurred an action that I implore others to take much sooner, our midwife had to go (sadly not into retirement but at least out of our lives) we wrote a letter to the head of midwifery asking for a change and we were rewarded with a very warm and supportive reply that reinstated our faith in the system, we had to go through the legal stuff again but done in a much more professional manner. It was at this time the “evidence” arrived in the post, strangely a child at school wouldn’t get away with stating a fact without referencing its origin or giving a full picture but the NHS do. Their data seemed to match a study that had given us great confidence that we read on the AIMS website (well worth a visit) but the NHS info was not placed in context, namely that your baby is at far more risk at being born at 38 weeks than they are at 42...albeit 42 is slightly higher risk that 40. Basically there is very little evidence and that really adds to the confusion. GO WITH YOUR GUT and know that induction and C section come with great risks that in our opinion outweighed waiting.

These 3 weeks from 40 were hard, we live in a small village, everywhere we went we were continually asked, when are “they” going to induce you, as if we had no choice in the matter. When we summoned the energy to explain our reasons people were generally supportive but it was exhausting, definitely not what you need before going into the biggest day of your life. My advice would be pick a birth month and don’t utter a date because as soon as you do, you have applied pressure that you really don’t want or need!

On top of the stress of being supposedly “overdue” we had some dormant stresses regarding our home come to light, two separate highly stressful incidents that meant that at 43+1 my wife and I were essentially moving house until 10pm at night, 12500 steps and 42 flights climbed later (my wife’s watch told us) we went to bed physically and emotionally exhausted...only issue being our little one had other ideas, our heads finally hit the pillow at 11:30 and my wife started to complain of back pain, she suffers from that a lot, I jokingly text a work colleague saying either she was in labour or her back was out as a result of moving house at 43 weeks pregnant.

10 minutes later, another pain, 8 minutes after that another, then 6 minutes then 4 minutes then constantly every 2 minutes for 40 seconds. Both my mum and my wife’s mum had fast labours and hence we called the midwife and my wife said there was no time to get to hospital we would have the baby at home. This was met with some distain by the lady in triage who no doubt knew our case as the “awkward ones” by this time. She also assured me that the baby would not arrive quickly and although I have my own theory on this, she turned out to be absolutely correct. She did tell me that she wasn’t allowed in the pool until a midwife got there....oops too late!

About 2 hours in, the Midwife’s turned up and my wife’s contractions slowed to every 5 minutes but still intense. I’m not sure on midwife protocol but it seems there is one lead and one note taker/auxiliary. In our case the lead was a lady called Liz and she was amazing. She understood hypnobirthing and gave all information to me to pass onto Kerrie while I supported her. She pretty much left us to it as my wife was in such great control, no screaming just utter focus! I’m sure they say it to everyone but I believed Liz when she praised my wife for how she was coping it was unreal and much of that has to be put down to the hypnobirthing course that although we didn’t practice too much we did understand and agree with the premise. It was just like the videos they showed us to prove that labour doesn’t have to be traumatic! She was really doing it and my pride was overflowing.

The first and in my opinion the only hurdle was lurking in the wings from before the start and that was exhaustion, she had no sleep and couldn’t take on food or water, this started to really show itself about 5 hours in, contractions were still regular but they were weaker, I know my wife and I knew she was tired. I knew again from hypnobirthing that there was nothing stopping her lying down and taking a rest, nothing that is apart from my wife’s stubbornness, when she starts something she wants to finish it, as seen by the house clearance the night before!

I was by her side throughout and definitely did not feel like a spare part, keeping the pool at temp was a full time job and if I moved more than 12 inches from my wife she clearly told me I was not to move! I too was exhausted and started to wonder how she could possibly keep going. I was immensely proud to overhear during the 8am handover of the Midwives that I was doing a great job they could leave me to it and just monitor!

About 10 hours in with an old school midwife in the wings (not in the room) and a typical know it all Dr on the phone, murmurs of transfer to hospital set in, my wife wasn’t having examinations and hence they could only guess but the words “failure to progress” were thrown around by “Mrs old school”. Luckily our new primary midwife, like Liz had been, was amazing and we privately chatted about bullying my wife into taking a rest.

After some cajoling and promises (guesses) that the labour would be quicker in the long run I managed to help her out of the pool and into the bed, she wasn’t happy about it but after a lot of extreme offshore sailing I knew the power of even 2 minutes of sleep, she rested for about 20 minutes and probably slept for about 8 minutes between contractions, In hindsight I should have strapped her to the bed but as she rested the contractions grew in strength again and my wife was eager to get going, back in the pool she went and another few hours went by, she still didn’t have the energy to progress and I knew she needed more rest but this was a harder sell the second time. She was getting pretty disheartened by this point though and knowing my wife and knowing how her brain works I gave her two options, one was rest, the other was a trip to hospital and potentially a c-section. She agreed to rest again and this time I stood fast and made sure she laid there for the best part of an hour, she was uncomfortable and only sleeping for seconds between contractions but in bed you are not holding your body and hence your muscles get a chance to recover. In hindsight I should have got her to rest as soon as her contractions slowed but hey hindsight is a wonderful thing and we all make mistakes.

The next stage is where in some ways we departed from our original course a bit and I suppose got a bit of luck just when we needed it. My wife was so tired she was clutching at straws really and after probably 12 hours of saying no to examinations she agreed to have one as she really had no idea how close (or far) she was. Rosie the midwife was great and really put her mind at rest telling she was leading the exam and it could stop at any time. I’m not a religious man but thank god, she was 9.5cm dilated (I suspect she had been near that for the last 10 hours)

Her waters had also not broken and although we normally wouldn’t agree with them breaking them, in this instance we didn’t see it could do anything but help, there was meconium but that’s to be expected with a baby 3 weeks over so it didn’t worry anyone, although it did give Mrs Old school another excuse for a hospital transfer lecture.

Overall this news gave my wife just that little bit more fight she needed that she could still do it, I don’t know where she summoned it but she found some energy and although things didn’t happen as quick as she hoped after about 90 mins she agreed to a second exam “Mrs Old School” was in the room now and she was so keen on calling an ambulance that I wasn’t completely sure she would admit it if Kerrie was fully dilated. Once again luck (and an monumental effort from my wife) was on our side and she was fully dilated. Again this somehow meant she found a little more energy.

Mrs Old School directed her to push whilst holding her breath, I disagreed and told Kerrie to do as she felt, this did not go down very well and I have to say I don’t think Mrs old school likes me!

She did push and with all her might, now I will never know if this departure from the hypnobirthing breathing was what turned things into a minor emergency or if perhaps that would have happened anyway...as I said before my chosen metric which was heart rate and blood pressure and it had not wavered throughout on mum or baby...until now! Suddenly our superstar Rosie couldn’t find a heart beat and when she occasionally did it was very weak and slow. I’m pretty experienced at faking calm but I can honestly say I was panicking. Mrs old school finally got her wish to call an ambulance and myself and superstar Rosie set about, as she put it, beating the bus. Neither of us had ever coached a football team but with all the woops and cheers you wouldn’t know it, as stated before my wife tops the stubbornness charts and she wasn’t about to get into an ambulance unless she had to! Slow and steady progress was made and hope was regaining, I have no idea how long this took, it felt like 3 minutes but could have easily been 30! Once the head was visible we could also see a hand, just to make things more difficult. Due to this and a lack of heart rate and various other factors mainly relating to an overdue baby we agreed to an epiziotomie, it was quick and painless and immediately helped progress, next issue, shoulder dystocia, again common in post date babies but potentially dangerous. Credit where it’s due, Mrs old school and Teresa (our lovely auxiliary midwife) sprung into action with a manoeuvre called McRoberts, not exactly delicate but highly effective, especially if you are interested in hydraulics. I have since googled it and found that not everyone does it with such force but I’m not complaining, with the second round our beautiful baby boy slid into the world at speed! It was my job to announce the sex and as they placed him on mums chest I caught a glimpse of his tiny little winky (and massive ball sack, who knew?)

He is a whopper at 10 pound 7 ounces and the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. He was the largest and latest baby our midwife had ever delivered (already breaking records)

I have learnt a level of respect for all mothers that I couldn’t have dreamed possible, not least my stunningly beautiful, stubborn, super hero of a wife! I have to say next time I think I am running out of steam I will try to channel just 1 % of what got her through 15 gruelling hours with no food and barely any water or sleep, I am forever in her debt and I will make sure our darling son William knows that too. Thanks also go to all the midwives who attended especially Liz, Rosie and Teresa. Terri at Cornwall hypnobirthing and to mine and my wife’s parents for bringing us up to use our own minds, form our own opinions and make our own informed decisions. It’s not easy to go against guidance when it at least appears to put you more at risk but my message to care providers that hate people like me and my wife, is, just because we don’t agree, that does not mean we don’t care for the well-being of our unborn child, stats (of which there are few on this topic) are there to be interpreted and the picture is much bigger than labour itself. I hope that the decisions we made not only put our son at the least possible risk but also gave him the best possible start in life coming into the world un-drugged and with immediate skin to skin contact with mum and dad. All that said I would be lying if I didn’t say that when the sh%# hit the fan all of those decisions we had made flashed before my eyes with a deep sense of regret, perhaps we got lucky, perhaps we played the odds, we will never know but all I can advise is GO WITH YOUR GUT."

Hypnobirthing isn't just for one type of birth, it's not against medical intervention, it's not anti anything. It's about knowing your options, your rights, your choices, feeling powerful to speak up and be heard, feeling ready and knowing the importance of listening to your body. It's all of these things and more!

"I never knew my body could do such amazing things."

Welcome to the world gorgeous Ivy. Born in the water at Truro Birth Centre. Ivy's mum Laura shares her story of her labour and birth, and how Hypnobirthing was a real game changer in her Antenatal education.

"We attended Terri's September group course and although we didn't fully know what to expect from a hypnobirthing course found it incredibly helpful. There was so much we didn't know and it completely altered my view on what labour would be like from scary and painful to calm and controlled. I was actually really excited to give birth. We finished the course knowing exactly what to expect and all of our options and rights. When it came to birth I didn't use the full scope of hypnobirthing or the specifically taught breathing techniques - I just did what felt right, but I went in feeling empowered and the mindset was invaluable.

A week past my due date I had a midwife appointment in the morning and due to trying all the tricks to start labour I opted for a sweep. Before the sweep I was about 2-3cms dilated without even realising. I then headed home to bounce on my birthing ball.

By late afternoon not much seemed to be happening other than a few twinges here and there so I decided to drive down to my sister's house (it was her birthday) and have an Indian takeaway. By the time I had finished my food (around 19:30) I had started to have mild contractions, every 3 minutes lasting around 20 seconds but not causing me too much trouble. I decided to head home so I didn't get stranded.

Once I was at home contractions continued so my partner and I packed the last few bits of our hospital bags and finally put up the next2me crib...between contractions which were increasing in intensity and now requiring a bit of breathing to get through.

I had some brown discharge following my sweep but decided to ring triage to check this was okay and to inform them that labour was starting. Not long after this phone call I went to the toilet and had a very large bowel movement followed by some fresh red blood, so I phoned triage again who suggested that I head in to hospital to be checked over and if all okay decide whether I could head home to let labour progress more or stay in if things were already moving along.

When I got to the hospital I was put into a small room on delivery suite and told there wasn't a midwife covering the birthing suite that night and they would have to try and call in a community midwife (cue minor panic as I felt I couldn't give birth in that tiny room). Meanwhile contractions continued every 3 minutes getting stronger and longer. I was examined and was 5cms dilated. They monitored the baby for around half an hour and everything was fine.

After this I was moved to the birthing suite where I would be able to get in the pool. A community midwife arrived shortly after and I was soon in the pool with gas and air to hand. Getting in the water was the most amazing relief and I stayed leaning on the side for the whole of the rest of my labour. The community midwife who arrived was so lovely, she was completely aware of hypnobirthing and fully on board with our birthing plan after making sure she read it thoroughly. She then sat back and let me labour as my body told me to with just intermittent heartbeat Doppler checks on the baby and a manual pulse check on me here and there. The delivery suite midwife stayed to support as well and ended up pouring water over my back for ages after I said I felt I couldn't get myself into the water far enough (she probably regretted ever starting!).

My music of choice was Adele's new album and I made everyone listen to it on repeat for about 4 hours! If my partner suggested trying something else I refused, I think I had got myself into my own little labour bubble and had everything just as I needed it so the change of music might have upset that.

As my labour progressed further my midwife would ask me what a contraction felt like as she could see my behaviour changing and this helped me to identify that I was nearing birth. Her hands off and calm approach, alongside all the knowledge I had from my hypnobirthing course, made me feel in control and empowered and I knew I could trust my body to do what it needed to do. When my contractions changed to 'pushing' my baby out it was the most amazing experience I have ever had, I never knew my body could do such amazing things.

Ivy was birthed into the pool at 03:40 with guidance from afar from my midwives and I caught her myself and brought her up to me. The whole process was so calm and quiet, the complete opposite of the labours and births portrayed on TV and films with lots of screaming, sweating and a terrified looking mother. I can't recommend a hypnobirthing course enough, especially with Terri."

If you are pregnant and want to work towards a positive birth experience, where you feel prepared, powerful, knowledgeable and armed ready with a tool kit of techniques to help and support you through labour and birth, then my next group Hypnobirthing course is in July (10th and 17th - 10am - 3pm). Bookings available on my website www.cornwallhypnobirthing.co.uk/book-online . Private Hypnobirthing courses are also available throughout June, July and beyond. email me on info@cornwallhypnobirthing.co.uk for more information.

"This wasn't just Amira's birth; this was mine."

This is for any pregnant person who needs to know that truly straight forward, positive births happen to ordinary people. To anyone planning a homebirth or wanting to know that hands-off, unmedicated births are more than possible and safe.

But most of all, this is for you, Amira - If and when the time comes for you to give birth, know it can be straightforward, it can be empowering, it can be positive but most of all it can be kick ass incredible if you just surrender, trust and believe and keep yourself surrounded by your biggest fans. Always remember pain is truly subjective. No part of your bringing earthside was painful, it was truly life changing and majestic, exactly like we knew you would be. I could stay lost in those moments forever.

Throughout carrying you, I watched and read endless birth stories, they empower, inspire, warn, educate, erase stigma and change the way you view birth and society norms. This isn't your birth story. As I sit here, jotting this down one handed on my phone notes, I look at you sleeping, you're now 8 days old, what a ride it has been. You are so peaceful, so calm, so innocent and simply breathtaking.This is a story about love. The beautiful, natural, raw and emotional dance between us when we welcomed you earthside into our world, into our arms, hearts and our family. I want you to know how your entrance to this world didn't just spark a fire in you, its lit something majestic in me too, something I never knew I needed. I feel reborn, this very moment, is exactly where I needed and was destined to be and everything is and was simply perfect for us.

After losing our first unplanned pregnancy babe in September last year due to a missed miscarriage at 12 weeks, this pregnancy was full of all kinds of emotions from day one. When you've literally faced death and fear in the face head on, somehow managed to pick up the pieces of your broken hearts and make it through each day, you naturally end up hardened and weathered when it comes to all things TTC and then pregnancy after loss. Our harsh reality was we knew that a positive pregnancy test doesn't always equate to a living baby at the end of 9 months, if anything you spend the best part of those months holding your breath, praying, wishing and dreaming, overanalysing, freaking out and just trying to put one foot in front of the other, second by second, day by day, scan to scan, milestone to milestone. Willing the day to come when you have a healthy, safe bundle of loveliness being in your arms, but PAL defo hits different for sure. If anything I was more determined and confident than ever to make sure our birth experience was as earth shattering incredible and treasured as it should be, I wanted to feel and enjoy every moment, to lap it all up. Maybe this was because we didn't get to experience this before or maybe this was more of a quest of finding my inner self and honouring my body in the way it truly deserves. Fully letting go and trusting my body to do what I always knew it could. A journey of self discovery somehow. Whatever it was, my mindset was fully committed to make all things birth my bitch.

It was a typical Wednesday in the life of a 41+2 pregnant woman (you know the usual 50 million messages asking if any signs, waddling around with a melon between your legs, wandering if today would be the day, you get the jist). We decided to have a drive and popped over to St Austell, Dan was obsessed with a mobile karcher pressure washer we saw a few weeks before in Halfords. I was only too happy to oblige as a trip to St Austell also means a trip to Asda who have a create your own pizza counter! Winning. Armed with my medium double ham, pineapple and mozzarella pizza AND a medium 'banging bonfire night' pizza (think sausages, hot dogs and firecracker sauce) whilst waiting for said pizza to be made, I popped to the loo, I should add that I had had light style period cramps in lower abdominal for a few days on and off before this, nothing to really write home about but I knew my body was doing what it needed to and was gearing up for our big moment. I had started to have some blood streaked, pink tinge discharge too which I remember coming out of the upstairs loo and high-fiving Dan whilst I excitingly danced around the bedroom announcing that my uterine seal must be on its way out. One step closer to meeting her. Anyway I've already digressed... Back to the loo in Asda, I felt a light style cramp in my sides and after weeing, when I wiped it was my biggest clump of bloody discharge to date (think stringy, red, thick, aka the good gloopy stuff) Buzzing. I so wanted to take my clumpy tissue paper to Dan to wave it under his nose again but in the middle of Asda didn't seem the time or the place, off I trot and exclaim to Dan in the middle of the bubble bath aisle 'I think my seal has gone it's the biggest clump yet!' We might get to meet her soon. Back home, we had planned a day full of my favourite oxytocin producing things. I watched 'The Meg', had a clary sage and lavender candlelit bath with chilled acoustic playlist for an hour, ate mince pies and drank decaf flat whites and then around 5pm my lower abdomen had some tightenings, my continuous period style cramps had gone, now I had some 30-40 seconds of my bump going harder and then releasing, like someone was gently squeezing my belly. Pretty cool sensation! I didn't time anything, I'm not a numbers girl, I still wasn't even sure it was anything to shout from rooftops about, labour felt like it was a few days off, we'd done our antenatal education we knew the stages. Or so we thought...

Once I sat down with pizza, in between mouthfuls of food, probably every 10 mins or so I felt the tightening, not painful in the slightest, enough to make me stop, practise using my surge breathing as I figured it would come in handy at some point soon (I'm am an in for 10 and out for 10 girl) I messaged Terri and said I thought I was having surges, but still wasn't sure they would brew to much. We chatted and she told me she was going to dump her child so she could be on call whenever we needed her, I tried to convince her not to change her plans for us, I was okay, not going anywhere and still not even sure I was in any stage of real labour. Luckily for us, she made the call. Good job really. 7pm comes and finally I have the sh!ts! Making some room to bring her out. Yes! Obviously I messaged Terri super stoked and told her I was having real surges! They were no longer braxton hicks type feelings and they didn't go or stop when I moved around. I spent an hour or so on all fours draped over ball whilst we watched the football. Again, I was sniffing clary sage out the bottle like there was no tomorrow, I didn't want these surges to end or go to waste. Keep em coming! Come on body! 9pm comes, mid surge I had the urge to squeeze, like when you need a poo, I checked the toilet and a little more blood and upon wiping we had the jelly snotty texture lined with fresh red blood. I asked Terri if this was normal (with a WhatsApp pic obvs ) and she assured me it was probably the remains of my uterine seal. Terri checked in on how my surges were, by this point we were estimating them to be around 40 seconds ish, about 4/5 per hour so I assured her still a way off, I told her we were just chilling and debating popping pool up so it would be ready if we needed it over next few days. By this time I was happy and chatting but during each surge, I would close my eyes and focus on my breathing. It was like someone had put me in a zone, away from my conscious mind, I went to places inside myself in those surges I've never been or knew existed. Ecstasy I'm pretty sure. I felt so confident, content, able and strong. I was also still buzzing about how we would be bringing our little bomb into our life shortly. Nothing was painful, these surges felt like someone was clenching a fist in my lower belly from inside. By the time I'd got stuck into my breathing they would pass as quickly as they came. I can do anything for 60 seconds. I asked Terri when I should call her, she said when I felt the time was right, or as a guide when I was unable to talk or walk through them, needed to concentrate and when they were lasting around 60 seconds and nice and strong. Turns out numbers (as noted earlier) are clearly not my strong point, as I actually thought to myself when she sent this message 'blimey, I'm gonna need to sort my shit out as I can't walk or talk through them now so I'm going to have to up my breathing tekkers game'. Game face was well and truly on! 10pm Dan inflated pool and we wrestled (quite literally) the pool liner into the pool, I was on all fours getting the air out from underneath the liner, having to stop and breathe every few mins now, but again straight in zone, then back out into conscious mind. 30 mins or so later, we then popped off to bed, I told Dan I wasn't sure I could sleep much due to how often the surges kept coming but we threw on horror channel, cuddled the cat and chatted in between my surges. At this point, I was so well practised the breathing tekkers became second nature, I remember saying to Dan how thankful I was that I could finally use all the stuff we had learnt and been practising.

Around 1pm, Dan encouraged me to go and take a bath, I was still chilling in bed and often heading to the loo needing a poo so he could see I was a bit restless. He ran me a bath, lit my oil burner and some candles and helped me in. He used warm flannels to drape over my shoulders and back, until I settled into the bath, he shut the door and left me in peace, reassured me he was only next door and to call out if I needed him. I lounged in the bath for around 45 mins, I had so many surges in the bath but I was in such a deep zone, I was super relaxed and think I fell asleep in between surges as time seemed to fly. Something about these surges began to change, they hit different, they were more intense with less time in between, at the top of each surge I felt a gentle natural need to squeeze. I just let my body roll, it clearly knew what if was doing, Dan said during the bath he could hear my breathing getting deeper and louder, and heard a gentle whine mid each surge. I got out, dried myself off, popped on a clean bralette and headed back to bed, I got in bed which I lined with puppy pads and told Dan I didn't want to wear pants anymore as my discharge had stopped and I was still feeling the urge to need a poo so my pants spent more time down than up. I was in bed 10 mins or so and I must have had about 4/5 surges during this time, in which Dan held my hand, stroked my arm, and lovingly told me he was excited and we chatted about how now it was finally happening and trying to guess who and what she would look like. I stroked the cat, we laughed about how she would stop, stare and look concerned every time I had a surge. Dan asked if and when we should call Terri out. I was adamant I was all good and that I was enjoying being in our little bubble and I didn't want her to have nothing to do. I was calm, in control and didn't feel like I needed any support yet, I was saving her and her magical powers for when shit got real (or what I thought would happen as my labour intensified over coming hours).

By 2:30am Dan took charge and told me to make the call to Terri as it was time, I compromised and told him it wouldn't hurt as at least he might be able to tag her in and get some kip before the big scene. I'd have someone to chat too and at least we would be prepared and ready to go when the time was right. I felt the need to get out of bed and knelt down next to it whilst leaning my top body on it, I pressed call on my phone, sent a quick text and then Terri called back instantly, by this point I had passed the phone over to Dan as I was having a surge and needed to go back into my zone. But something felt different, I didn't need my zone. I was breathing as usual but I was in my conscious mind, aware of my surroundings, aware of the phone conversation, able to let out some short phrases to Dan, my body was bearing down, trying to squeeze, again the only thing I can compare it too is the sensation of having a poo when you have a bellyache after too much food. I felt and heard a pop, my membranes released, all over the carpet, cliche maybe but I felt like someone had turned a tap on and it just kept pissing out of me throughout this one intense surge, it was continual for the full minute, my body contracting. Once I'd finished, I heard Terri tell Dan this was a great sign and things would now start to intensify and she would be over shortly. Dan helped me off the floor, we laughed at the carpet and waters, usually it's the cat pissing or being sick on our beige carpet now it was my babies juices she'd been happily floating in moments before. Lovely.

Next surge came and I asked Dan to drop me off in the loo next door as I couldn't decide whether I was gonna puke or poo. A few wretches and no sick, so I sat on toilet, found a super comfy position with my legs spread wide, asked Dan to grab a bucket so I could puke without moving from toilet if I needed too, he turned main light off and used our mirror light so it remained peaceful and dimly lit. I'm not sure on how many surges or their intensity, they weren't the same as the ones I'd had before, these were an all together different sensation and feeling. I didn't really need to do much, they came and went over me like waves, I closed my eyes and breathed, my breathing was definitely different to before, like I couldn't catch my breath at the peak so my body let out a little whine. There wasn't much time in between, but I figured this was when it would start to get spicier over coming hours. I remember thinking I could happily stay in this stage for a decent stretch of time so I felt all empowered and my confidence was yet again growing, next time I opened my eyes, Terri was knelt outside bathroom door, softly and calmly she asked how I was, we chatted and I told her I think we had called too early and that I felt good, I just decided to stay on loo as I was comfy and needing to poo. Last thing we needed was my sh!t on the bathroom floor too! Dan was downstairs filling the pool. Next time I reopened my eyes, Terri was calmly by my side and asking me to try and move from the toilet, I wasn't keen, I was so comfy. Dan had come back upstairs and after some negotiating on their part to try and persuade me to move, they both helped me to the floor in which I went to all fours, Dan was in the bathroom doorway holding my arms, rubbing my shoulders and telling me how badass I was and reminding me to keep breathing deep and controlled, Terri was knelt down beside my loo behind me as she asked if she could take a quick look and see what was happening.

The surges were now frequent and I could feel my girl travelling down my birthing canal. Epic moments! I wanted to get in the pool, I asked and remember Terri saying it might be best to stay here for a little while longer (her knowing there wasn't time but not wanting to panic me!), so I asked her to run a bath for me instead considering I was on all fours next to it. Every surge my animal instincts did all the work, there was no pushing, I breathed in deeply and let out some animalistic grunts and deep from my soul growls all the way through the out breath of each surge, there was a short let up in between surges, enough for me to ask Terri for a warm flannel as I felt the need to hold it over my perenium and top of my triangle. 4 or 5 flannel dips later and Terri announced she could see her face, in as many words I felt her body slide out from me and then softly hit the floor underneath me in which Terri had managed to soften with towels. Terri asked Dan to scoop down and get his daughter as she was here, we both reached down, with some slipping and sliding and brought her up to my chest together, where she let out the cutest little noise, she was alive, safe and finally in our arms. Fuck! Dan and I were elated, shocked and in utter awe.

I felt every single tingle, sensation, her moving down and my body urging her earthside, I felt each pressure and it's incredible intensity and power and I felt invincible. I was doing it, my body was doing it, so natural, so primal, effortless. I wasn't doing it anymore, I'd only gone and fucking done it! I remember in these moments not quite believing it was over, I'd birthed our baby and didn't need anyone, no midwives, no medical professionals, other than my chosen support network bubble of Terri and Dan. I was safe, happy and content and so was my primal birthing body. The bath only ever got to under a half full l and I used this once she was born to freshen up instead.

Amira Jones was born at 3am on Thursday 4th November 2021, at our rented home, on our bathroom floor. It was absolutely sensational and perfect in ways I'd never imagined. This wasn't just Amiras birth; this was mine. *Extra rambles - I've never told anyone this until Terri and I debriefed recently. I manifested and visualised bringing my daughter earthside alone, with no medical professionals, I strongly believe that my subconscious was so aware of my internal desire for a free birth it's exactly what we had.

For anyone who is looking into all birth options, be bold, say what you deeply desire, what you crave, want and need. Say it out loud, shout it from the rooftops