I am delighted to share with you the birth journey of baby Paddy! His wonderful parents Emily and Sean have lovingly decided to share their journey in the hope that it will educate and inspire others to along the way. I worked with Emily and Sean antenatally as their Doula and also teaching them Hypnobirthing. This was their second baby, and they chose to 'do things differently' this time around after the birth of their daughter 3 years previous didn't go the way they were hoping. Emily shares in detail her story, with not only the birth, but also the build up and the background that lead them down this route. Everything you read is Emily's words and experience, and I am so grateful to them both for trusting me to walk this path with them, and also for sharing it with you all. Grab a cuppa, get comfy - this is a beautiful story that holds so much honesty and power. Enjoy!
"Some context…
For a bit of context, I had a really traumatic birth with my daughter Connie, 3 years before Paddy, involving ambulance transfers, forceps, very long labour, baby resuscitation and neonatal. So I wanted to have Terri as our doula so that I could process what had happened before, and then to have someone there who could help us have the most positive, calm birth experience possible. Paddy’s birth was completely amazing, positive, calm, empowering, so hopefully inspiration for anyone who is hoping for a totally opposite experience the second time round!
The build up…
Around 1 week past my due date, although my midwife was super supportive of home births and being past my due date, the NHS guidelines start to get a bit pushy around inductions etc, so I did have a bit of a freak out. Despite doing a lot of work to process everything and generally feeling good, there was still quite a lot of underlying anxiety about having a similar birth experience. Terri was brilliant at reminding me of the bigger picture beyond NHS guidelines, trusting my gut, my body and my baby. I relaxed and just did as much as possible to enjoy the last days of pregnancy - baths, reflexology, walks, baking and pancake day feasts.
I’d started to really hope the baby would arrive by 14th Feb, as I’d be 12 days overdue, and after that Connie wouldn’t be in nursery for another 6 days, so the logistics of toddler childcare without family close-by would have been much harder! I also agreed with my midwife to push back any sort of talk about induction until then, so it felt like an important date - I hoped my body and baby were on board with the plan!
So Valentine’s Day came around…
5.30am I woke up feeling a pang, but as I’d felt some before and they’d been either Braxton Hicks, warm ups or trapped wind, I didn’t want to say anything to anyone as I was scared to jinx it! I was so keen at this point to avoid any scans
6-8am Got Connie ready for nursery and started to feel a few more pangs.. again I wanted to just keep it to myself until I was totally sure this was it.
Then whilst we were doing Hop Little Bunnies and Connie was asking me to join in… (aka I was lying on the sofa pretending to be a sleeping bunny), I felt a mild but very real early labour surge and knew it was go time! Realised it was pretty uncomfortable trying to parent a toddler during these surges, so handed the baton to Sean for nursery drop off.
8-9am I wanted to get myself as prepped as possible whilst I was in the early stages, so I made myself a proper good bowl of porridge in case I struggled to eat during labour, had a really nice long shower and dried my hair. I felt ready for a big day! I also text Terri and my midwife to let them know things were starting. When Sean came home, he did a little tidy of the house to de-toddler and make it a bit more zen, as well as setting up the living room for the day - candles on, affirmation cards up, curtains closed, log burner on.
9-11am I text Terri saying that the surges already felt quite intense - I wasn’t feeling up for chatting or doing things during each surge, so I decided to get some comedy on TV and relax into it.
In Connie’s labour, one of the positive moments was when my waters broke laughing at a Jack Whitehall joke, so I’d been saving his new Netflix show for labour. But quite quickly after putting it on, I felt overwhelmingly exhausted and my body was telling me to lie down and rest / try and sleep. A small part of me thought ‘I shouldn’t lie down, I should stay active/upright’, but I tried to keep Terri’s voice in my head - my body knows what it needs, so I can just go with it and not resist any feelings or urges. So I lay down on the sofa on my left side with a pillow between my legs, and semi-napped whilst I breathed through each surge, fully relaxing my body each time, and visualised the uterus muscles moving up, and my cervix opening. I think this lasted for a few hours.
11-12pm I then had a bit of a burst of energy so stood up and got more active - standing and rocking through contractions, and bouncing on the birth ball. Surges felt intense and pretty regular, but I really wasn’t thinking about how far along I was / how much longer. I also still just assumed I had at least another day until he arrived! Sean kept encouraging me to snack too.
I’d made the decision not to time any surges myself. I knew that the timing/dilation didn’t really predict anything about how fast the next phase would go, and could easily leave you disheartened. I naturally have a very mathsy rational brain, so this sort of information can get me in too much of a ‘thinking’ brain, and I wanted to ignore all of that and just listen to my body.
I remember at this point Sean suggesting that we go for a walk to get things going a bit more… and me feeling completely baffled by why we’d want it to get any more intense! There was no chance I could have gone for a walk. I was finding it intense enough standing through the surges. In hindsight I was clearly very much in active labour, but my hypnobirthing mindset, environment and techniques had made me seem far too calm and collected! Probably should have called the midwives and Terri over at this point…
12-1pm The mucus plug came out when I went for a pee - equally exciting and disgusting. I just took this as a good sign things were moving in the right direction, but no indication that he was coming soon (Connie arrived 43 hours after the mucus plug went, so a little different!). Sean was saying really positive things to me each time something like this happened, that we were one more step closer to meeting our baby.
1-1.30pm Sean was updating Terri as he tracked that my surges were lasting for a minute and coming every couple of minutes.
I wasn’t aware of the timing, but based on how I was feeling I asked Sean to get the pool ready. I was worried that getting in the pool too early would slow things down, but Sean reminded me that if things slowed down I could just get out and move around, so it would be good to have the option.
Things definitely felt more intense, and a few things I did to cope were…
I had written my favourite affirmations on cards and would wander over and read them between surges, which helped to ground me.
Counting my breaths wasn’t doing it for me so I let that go, and just aimed to keep my breathing slow and calm, and my body relaxed. I just kept thinking about relaxing my face and shoulders.
Sean started doing light touch massage, and it really made a difference. For me it just made me relax and focus on something other than the surge. Before labour I really hadn’t anticipated how helpful it would be - normally I’m so ticklish and that sort of touch would really irritate me, so we didn’t practise it at all. But it was a game changer! Although.. Sometimes Sean wouldn’t realise a surge had started, and would miss half of it (my version of this is that he was distracted by the movie we had on… his is that I was too in the zone to say anything, and he was trying to time things and keep Terri updated…).
1.30-2.30 I went into our bedroom whilst Sean was setting up the pool, as he said the vibe would be ruined for a bit whilst he set everything up. I stood up and leaned against the chest of drawers, and I turned on the yoga music that I’d listened to in each Limehouse Yoga session. It took me back to being super relaxed in yoga sessions so I’d loved using it in the lead up to birth too. I had about 6 of my favourite songs on repeat for the next 3 hours!
Our friend’s mum came to walk our dog (Sean was sorting all of this out with me completely in the zone, I’m very grateful I really had to do no thinking). Things had really ramped up even more. In just the 5 mins he was outside, I found the surges really intense when he wasn’t there doing light touch massage, and felt a little panicky when I was alone going through them.
But we both still fully believed that I was nowhere near having a baby, based on my experience with Connie. I still assumed it would be a middle of the night arrival!
2.30 - Sean had set up the pool and the water was filling up slowly. For the first time my body made a really involuntary noise and I felt a different sensation - it wasn’t necessarily like pushing but it was a really strong tightening and unlike what I’d felt so far. At the same time, I felt something coming out and I went to the loo and it was my bloody show. There was a fair amount of blood and at this point I really wanted Terri to come over. I was confused about what this sensation was, and whether the bleeding was ok, and I was really nervous that things were going the way of Connie’s birth and that I’d be in Treliske before I knew it.
So at that point I felt a bit out of control and that I had no idea if any of this was ‘right’ or ‘normal’ - I faltered in trusting my body because of what had happened during Connie’s birth. Definitely wanted Terri here asap.
Turns out I really wasn’t communicating this to Sean though, oops.. I think I did tell him I was nervous that it wasn’t right and he was brilliant in acting totally chilled and that everything was fine, even though I’m sure he was also freaking out a bit!
I changed into just a strappy top and sat on ball with puppy pad and didn’t really move from this position for about an hour. I was fully in the zone, trying not to freak out about the different sensations I was starting to feel. I was feeling some liquid come out with some of the surges, which I think was small amounts of blood, but I really tried to squash any of the anxious brain that wanted to freak out, and just stay calm and assume everything was fine.
I also think that because I’d started to get a bit scared by the noises I was making, the pushing sensations and the bleeding, that was the only part of the birth that I’d describe as ‘painful’ - I’d let the fear come in and the triangle that Terri explains of Fear-Tension-Pain was happening so so literally to me.
I did start to tell myself at this point that this was all a bit bloody hard and scary anyway, and if I did transfer, I’d demand an epidural straight away and that would be sweet sweet relief. Although the thought of getting in a car was horrendous at that point! Looking back, this was classic for the transition stage!! But I very much dealt with it in my own head rather than saying much to Sean.
3pm Terri arrived, woohoo! I was so grateful for her being there - I just really needed the reassurance that what my body was doing / sounds I was making were all ‘normal’ and she instantly helped me get out of the fear zone and back into trusting my body. She just reassured me every time I needed it that I could fully trust my body - I didn’t need to resist any sensations, any noises - I just needed to go with my body, and trust trust trust. This made such a difference in how I felt, and I really relaxed into it as I got back into hippy mode - less thinking, no panic, more relaxing, breathing, listening to the music and letting my body and baby do their thing.
She called the midwives straight away because as soon as she watched me for a minute she knew we were a lot closer than we realised! She said they were on their way. They’d asked if I’d felt any movement, and honestly I hadn’t - but I felt so distracted/focused on the surges that I just hadn’t thought about it. Sean had his hands on my belly and said he could feel movement. I had a mini freak out in my head but tried to put it to one side - I recited ‘my baby is strong and healthy’ a few times to remind myself that most likely everything was absolutely fine.
Terri said the water would feel really good at this point, but the bath was filling up excruciatingly slowly. So she helped do some bucket shuttles from the bath (I really wanted someone with me at all times!), to fill it up to at least half way. Obviously the hot water ran out at this point… despite reading SO many birth stories where the pool wasn’t put up early enough, and the hot water ran out, we somehow fell for the same old story! Luckily though there was just enough to get in and cover my lower back, so I did, around 3.30.
It had started to feel a little unnatural sitting on the ball as my body was definitely starting the pushing stage, so getting into the water was a) amazing relief, and b) I was then in what felt like a much more natural position - leaning over the edge of the pool, kneeling with my legs as wide as I could get them!
From then I just tried to ignore whatever was going on around me (the poo sieve didn’t even cross my mind haha) - I just focused on relaxing my face/jaw, relaxing my shoulders, and keeping my breathing as calm as possible. I was loving tuning into the music too, it really grounded me. Sean had put some aromatherapy oils on too which really helped the vibe.
There were moments where I would doubt myself and I’d check with Terri, and she was just SO calm and would tell me that everything was exactly how it should be, and to trust my body and to allow every sensation.
It felt like this stage went on for quite a while (think it was probably around 45 mins) - like I felt a sort of downward pressure but not necessarily my body fully ‘pushing’, and I couldn’t feel anything obvious like the baby moving down. Having Terri there meant I didn’t freak out, as I could feel my ‘thinking’ brain wanting to panic that I was actually not dilated and it was all wrong and my body was confused. I kept checking in with Terri, and she helped me to just go with it, to trust that my body knew what it was doing.
It really made a difference being at home. I could reach my water bottle and drink when I needed it. I could ask for the room to be warmer or cooler. I could ask for a snack. I was surrounded by the music, lighting, warmth, smells and people that I’d chosen.
Eventually, I did start to feel a crazy amount of pressure in my pelvis.. exactly like Terri had described in our sessions, the head would move down the birth canal, then back up again, then down a bit further, then back again. It started to get quite intense but I was really spurred on by this because even my thinking brain knew this was how it should be - there was 100% a baby en route! A few more surges in, I felt the first ‘stretching’ feeling. This spurred me on even more - I knew I must be close if this was happening! But funnily enough I still assumed I had quite a while to go - this whole part was new to me because Connie was born with forceps and I didn’t feel those sensations with her.
I really welcomed that feeling - I didn’t find it painful at all, I honestly just felt excited that there was a baby so low down! Terri suggested I put my hand down during the next surge to see what I could feel - the first time I did this, I didn’t feel much that I could understand, but on the next one, I reached down and felt the super soft, slightly hairy top of a baby’s head!! I was so excited.
The next few surges were super super physical - like for the others there was a real bearing down urge in my stomach/back, but for these final ones which were literally ejecting my baby, my whole body got in on the action - everything tensed up and got involved in pushing my baby further down the canal - from shoulders to calf muscles it felt like! It was completely involuntary and just what my body needed to happen to get this baby out. My body would kneel up and do this huge push (again involuntary, I didn’t feel like I was pushing of my own accord at all), I’d feel the really intense stretching/burning, and just desperately tried to keep my breathing calm though it! I’d use the break in surges to calm everything down - Terri would remind me to slow my breathing back down, relax my shoulders, calm calm calm. After one huge surge, I felt just the head come out. But I was so in the zone (and out of breath from such a physical intense surge!), that I couldn’t really speak. But I felt him wriggle himself around, which I knew would happen, to get his shoulders in the optimal position - and was so excited by that all I said was “I can feel him moving!”... didn’t mention that the head was out…
So Sean and Terri had no idea that the baby was about to come out. It felt like a really long pause between these surges - maybe it was my body giving the baby a chance to turn so his shoulders could come out, and giving me a little rest ready for the final push, but in the next surge his body came out!!! I quickly brought him up (my brain had a slight moment and I freaked out about whether he should be face up or down, so I did it quickly and sort of sideways), and then unlooped his cord from around his neck and cuddled him, completely MIND BLOWN by what had just happened!! I am so grateful that Terri caught this moment on camera - I’d given them no notice that a baby was about to come out so we’re lucky she’s quick on the action, as it’s one of the most amazing moments to capture.
He wasn’t crying but was making little snuffly noises, and seemed totally ok. The relief and happiness I felt that he was there, safe and healthy, was overwhelming. I sat back and held him and just looked at him in awe, and honestly felt like the world’s most incredible superwoman!
Then the first midwife arrived!
I was pretty keen to get out and get dry, and the midwife wanted to check my blood loss. So everyone hoisted me out and I sat on the sofa.
I was feeling knackered but euphoric - in some kind of crazy haze of hormones and relief that the labour was over, and so happy about how calm and perfect the birth had been and excitement and love for this tiny baby. After some nice skin to skin time he started feeding and it felt amazing for him to be ok, healthy, feeding, and for me to be at home. The lights all did have to come on as the midwives were worried about the bleeding, but it didn’t really matter to me - I was very much in my own golden hour bubble and not much anyone said / did affected that!
We must have been an hour in, and the midwife pointed out that it was probably time to calm everything down, get the oxytocin flowing again and get the placenta out. I’d been open to having the injection after an hour of waiting, so I wasn’t really worried either way. But first they suggested I shuffle to the edge of the sofa and try to do a big push during a stomach cramp. I hadn’t been feeling many cramps yet, but he had been feeding for most of the hour which must have helped contract my womb, so it only took a couple of pushes and the placenta plopped right out into a bucket. Didn’t feel great having to use those pushing muscles again - I’d completely forgotten about the placenta until the midwife mentioned it! But I got another burst of sweet relief knowing I didn’t have to push anything else out, and could now relax back. Sean cut the cord as it had gone completely white which was a cool moment.
There was a fair bit of blood coming, and a bit of retained placenta, so the midwives recommended the injection, to encourage everything to contract back down, limit blood loss, and reduce the chance of me having to go to Treliske. Terri helped breakdown the pros and cons and I was keen - I couldn’t think of anything worse than getting in a car and going to Treliske right now - everything had been absolute bliss and I was desperate to stay at home and stay in this awesome bubble.
So I had the injection, and then the final check for tears before I could just chill. But the amazing news was I just had a graze and so didn’t need a single stitch! Amazing, even with a 9.5 lb baby. Was relieved I could now relax - but also so happy that this was the only time someone touched my body during labour - and I just carried on using calm breathing through it as it was a) really sore and b) really invasive / lots of lights on / people staring at my bits.
Once that was done, I could finally relax back onto the sofa, with fresh towels on me and Paddy and a fresh pad under me to monitor the bleeding. I got a sugary tea, toast and biscuits, which was actual heaven. I felt ok - just a little bit low on blood sugar and dehydrated so snacks were definitely needed! Paddy carried on feeding and doing skin to skin with me which was dreamy.
The midwives had to check my blood pressure a few times as it was quite high for me - which was a little surprising given the blood loss would make your blood pressure low. But on the third time of trying luckily it had gone down, so there was no recommendation to go to Treliske.
The midwives did all the newborn checks on Paddy, weighed him in at 4.3kg (9.5lbs) and finished all their paperwork, whilst Terri and Sean sorted all the towels/birth pool etc out. I just sat on the sofa with Paddy and snacks, and it felt like I blinked and the house was back to exactly the same as it had been in the morning! I think people think a home birth will be messy - bodily fluid everywhere / loads of clean up, but I think with a doula and a supportive husband, (and some good planning getting lots of charity shop towels and waterproof dust sheets for the floor etc), it really isn’t an issue. Terri sorted the towels into a pile for the bin (we used up the gross old towels and charity shop ones) that were pretty gross, and a pile for the wash - ones which would be ok with a hot wash. Sean put it straight on and then with my mum’s help over the next day or so we got through all the washing.
Around 8.30pm, the midwives headed off, then Terri, and so my parents brought Connie round. My dad had collected some takeaway pizza, so I sat on the sofa whilst Sean had some more skin to skin cuddles, eating delicious pizza, reflecting on the most incredible day!
When Connie got back, she was definitely completely overwhelmed by a real life baby, and exhausted from a late night, so had a lot of cuddles with Sean, slept all night (miracle!) and was then so excited to meet her baby brother in the morning. She was adorable and it was lovely to give her a proper squishy cuddle with no bump in the way, and begin the journey of adapting to a family of 4!"
Doula support available for 2025 - find out more here: www.cornwallhypnobirthing.co.uk/doula
