Our birth was very different from my ‘Plan A’ but it was the most empowering & positive experience!

With all the planning and preparation in the world, we must always be mindful that sometimes, on the rare occasion, our bodies or our babies have an entirely different plan to the one that we had set out in our heads! This is why making a Plan A, a Plan B and even a Plan C can be super beneficial... and this is exactly what Jemima and Sean did when they were thrown a curve ball at 30 weeks pregnant. Read their amazing story of how, even though plans had to change, they still had a wonderful positive birth experience and used their Hypnobirthing every step of the way!

"Hypnobirthing always appealed to me but before I did the course I did have a preconception that it was for uncomplicated straightforward births. I wanted a water birth with fairy lights and calming music so I thought it would be perfect for that. What I didn’t realise I would get are the tools and strength it would give me for when all our plans changed.

Our birth story is very different from my ‘plan a’ but it was also the most empowering and positive experience I could have hoped for. My pregnancy was considered low risk apart from my age being 40, and so I was under midwife and consultant care from the start. Induction was mentioned due to my age as being a possibility at 39 weeks but open to discussion as we got closer. Otherwise all low risk options such as the birth centre which was my favoured choice were open to me, and that’s what we went ahead and planned.

At 30 weeks we took a one night trip away to Bath, a birthday present and babymoon treat, however a few hours in as we were making our way to the hotel for check in my membranes released. Well that was unexpected! The first thing Sean and I did was look at each other and laugh, we couldn’t believe it! The second thing we did was get ourselves over to Bath maternity hospital where they confirmed my membranes had released, started me on a course of antibiotics as a precaution against infection and gave me steroid injections which would support baby to breathe if he was born in the next couple of weeks. We also had a scan that showed he still had plenty of fluid and was now head down.

I was kept in overnight and have to admit that was a scary time, although I knew at 30 weeks if he were to be born he would have a good chance at being healthy, he would also need to spend quite a bit of time in neonatal support and if that happened in Bath we would be 150 miles from home for a long time. The calm breathing and relaxation techniques from hypnobirthing were so helpful in that 24 hours and thankfully we got home back to Cornwall the following evening. A plan was made for regular monitoring and to try to keep the pregnancy going for as long as possible, the risks of being born preterm being higher than the risk of infection after membranes released.

This is where we realised that our ‘plan a’ birth plan was unlikely to be possible. They suggested induction at 37 weeks, their reasoning being that the risk of preterm would be gone so there would be no reason to risk infection. While we could see the doctors logic we also had a more holistic viewpoint, taking into consideration the risks of induction and with Terri’s reminder we used our BRAIN thinking to rationalise that if we were happy to take a risk of infection for weeks, why would we suddenly decide that had to change overnight at 37 weeks if all was still well with the pregnancy. We were quickly learning that without the knowledge and confidence that our hypnobirthing course had provided it would be very easy to get swept up in the medical system rather than ask questions and make informed decisions.

At 32 weeks we had a growth scan, this had been booked in from the start as part of the additional provision due to my age, and it showed that baby was measuring smaller than expected. We knew that growth scans can have quite a margin for error and were reassured that it didn’t necessarily mean it was a cause for concern but that a second scan would be needed after a while to assess if growth had stalled which could be an indication that the placenta wasn’t working as well as it could be. We prepared ourselves for the likelihood that our plans may need to change again and I spent time researching stories of positive induction and gentle cesarean, using BRAIN to consider which would be the best choice for us if growth was not improving following a second scan.

Again without the hypnobirthing course I’m not sure it would have occurred to me that I had choices even now and could do my own research as to what was best for us.

At the second scan 10 days later, he was still measuring small but had grown at the pace they would expect between the two dates. We had two consultant appointments scheduled in for that day, the first as part of the scan and she said that weighing up the risks of his small size, my age and the early release of membranes she would recommend we went ahead with induction right away, at this point I was 34 weeks. We decided we would go to our second consultant appointment to discuss further before making our decision and at this appointment using our BRAIN thinking we decided to let baby stay in until 37 weeks but were given an induction date once we reached full term.

When induction was being suggested early on simply because of my age, and even later on because of the membranes release I was still hesitant that it was the right choice, but given his small size as well at this point I decided that we would keep a close eye on his movements and that he was safe but that there was no need to take any risks once he reached full term.

I spent the following week researching positive induction stories and preparing questions for my next midwife appointment so that we could still ensure that when the date came around we would feel in control and have a great experience. I do still believe that from doing that preparation we could have ensured that was the case, however my body, and our baby were in agreement about other plans. It’s funny the power of the mind. I’d spent weeks telling my bump since the membranes released that he has to stay in, but when we got to 35 weeks and with an induction looming I started to relax and say ‘ok you could start thinking about coming now and be ok’. At 35+3 Sean had work that evening and we both said to the bump, ‘ok stay in today, anytime from tomorrow you can come’.

At 35+4 I started to feel very mild sensations which I assumed to be practice surges. I didn’t really time them and though I was aware of them they didn’t get in the way of me going about my day as usual. We carried on with a regular Sunday, visiting family and doing things that we enjoy.

The following morning at 4am I woke up and felt the sensations were slightly more powerful and closer together so I decided to start timing them with an app and found they were about 10 mins apart. I stayed resting in bed but couldn’t get back to sleep so I started using my calm breathing and surge breathing, as well as rainbow relaxation techniques.

By 6am the surges were every 6 mins so I woke Sean to let him know we might want to have some breakfast and start slowly gathering the last of the bits for the hospital bag. Delivery suite had never been my first choice but I had written a plan b birth plan ready and we took along lots of things to ensure we could make the environment as comfortable and relaxing as possible, including a lamp for low lighting, essential oils, my birth ball, and a Bluetooth speaker ready to hook up to my favourite chilled out songs.

We called up ahead and were told to get to delivery suite for 8.30am which we did and were shown to a lovely room where I was popped on a monitor to check all was well with baby. I consented to an examination which showed my cervix was still closed.

They asked me how painful my surges were and I said not at all but a fair bit of pressure, and told them I’d been practicing hypnobirthing techniques which may be why I wasn’t experiencing them as painful at all and was happily using my breathing. I don’t think they were convinced of that and even I thought I’d never get off this lightly! They suggested it was likely these were practice labour sensations and sent us home, saying they would see us at our next scan which was booked in for 3 days later, unless anything changed in the meantime.

I wasn’t convinced simply because everything I had read about practice surges suggested they were irregular which these definitely weren’t but thought perhaps it must be the case. We went for some food and then home for a lie down because I’d been awake since very early and the excitement that had been keeping me awake had been replaced by an overwhelming desire to rest upon being told that today was almost certainly not the day we would meet our son.

By 1pm I felt that the sensations were intensifying, and while I was still comfortable using my surge breathing alternating with my calm breathing I decided to start tracking them again and found they were around 4 mins apart and 60 seconds long. For the next hour we discussed whether we should go back in or if this could still be practice, but by 2pm I felt a shift in how they were feeling so called back up and was told if I felt I needed to come back then to pop into the Day Assessment Unit to be monitored and then if necessary they could send me up to delivery suite later on.

The car journey became uncomfortable, mostly because sitting really felt like the wrong position to be in. Sean dropped me off at 2.30pm and went to park the car and we left all our bags in the car in case we ended up being sent straight home again. At this point I was having to stop walking while my surges were happening as it was taking all my concentration to breathe through them.

When I got into DAU the midwife sent me to the waiting room where again sitting was too uncomfortable with the feeling of pressure low down and I felt that standing and swaying was the only position I wanted to be in. The midwife came back, took one look at me and said she was taking me straight up to Delivery Suite where we were put back in the same room as before.

We waited for someone to come and see to us and I put my arms around Sean as we stood for support, while he helped me to focus on my breathing and gently stroked my back. After two or three more surges I suddenly felt as though I might feel sick and

Sean went into the corridor and asked a midwife to come in to see us. She came in and asked me to get onto the bed to hook me up to a monitor and said she would examine me again in a moment, and left us to it. Lying down on my back really wasn’t comfortable for me and on the second surge like this I felt a big gush of waters.

Sean went back out and asked for her to come back in again because things seemed to be moving quickly. I had two more surges in close succession where my whole abdomen was visibly moving as I felt my body’s reflex. She remarked on how active he was being and I just about managed to get the words out ‘that’s me’.

At this point I have to admit I wasn’t convinced that breathing was going to do the trick anymore and that perhaps I would have to concede to ask for some help because of how powerful and now different these surges felt. As she examined me I thought to myself ‘if she says I’m only 2cm can I really keep this up for hours?’, however she quickly looked up with a surprised smile and told me my cervix had completely gone and that if I felt my body wanting to push to go for it. I realised this was near completion and that I knew to expect those thoughts might enter my head at this point, so I could totally do this!

At this point a few things happened very quickly; because baby was small and early they needed an incubator set up ready and doctors in the room in case he would need resuscitation once he was born, so I was wheeled to a bigger room that was set up with what we needed, and the monitor was whipped off. As soon as we got in I said I needed to get off my back and got onto my knees with my head and arms at the top of the bed for support. I was offered gas and air which I gladly accepted (I’ve had it before and I am a big fan) and tuned in to Sean who was stroking my back, stroking my arms and gently speaking to me in such a calm voice with reminders about my breathing and how well I was doing and that my body was made to do this.

I vaguely recall an anaesthetist in the room popping a cannula in my hand for antibiotics and laughing that he may not have time to get them in before baby was born but it was worth a go. He apologised for the pain of inserting it as though I had any idea it was even being done - my eyes closed and with all my focus on my breathing and Sean’s words I was in a total bubble, though I was vaguely aware of a positive, happy and even jokey atmosphere in the room. I think I even laughed as the Midwife and I encouraged Sean to have a go on the gas and air between surges.

For the next few surges I used my down breath only and let my body move the baby, and the midwife said she could see the baby’s head. At this point she said she was having trouble picking up the heartbeat with me in that position so if the head wasn’t born in the next surge she’d ask me to get onto my back to make it easier to monitor baby. There was no way I was getting on my back so I started to push alongside my breath to much positive but gentle encouragement.

Within a couple more surges Sean told me his head was halfway out which was amazing as I thought he still had further along the birth path to travel, and after the next I heard Sean say ‘oh hello’ which made me laugh. With the midwife’s help letting him know what to do, Sean had hold of our sons head and as I had the final surge he received the rest of his body which was then passed through my legs to me. His cord was very short so I could only lift him to my tummy as I was helped to turn around and lie down for cuddles. The cord was left to go white before Sean cut it and then baby could be moved up higher to me for more skin to skin time.

Because he was small and early the doctor did need to take him for a short time to give him a check over before he could come back to me for more cuddles so we couldn’t have an uninterrupted first hour but I knew we had special circumstances so was prepared for that, and Sean was able to be with him that whole time.

I had a small internal tear that had a couple of stitches but otherwise only a small graze on the outside. All our lovely items from home never made it out of the car boot but I did notice after the birth that there were fairy lights in the room, and our midwife and doctor team were all fantastic and kept the vibe calm throughout.

Our midwife said to me that they do find sometimes with hypnobirthing mums that they don’t look like they’re in labour when they arrive and said she was so impressed with how it all went for us. The birth left me feeling on top of the world and so empowered by the whole experience. Sean has always been as cool as a cucumber but the way he supported me using the techniques we learned in our hypnobirthing course was everything. We absolutely rocked it! Thank you Terri!"

My Hypnobirthing course prepares you with knowledge to make informed decisions, empowers you to ask questions and get the information you need to make decisions that are right for you. It will also arm you with a number of transferable tools and techniques that will be there for you no matter what path your birth takes. If you want to prepare for labour and birth in the right way, then sign up for my next group course (November 20th and 27th) or contact me to book a private course. I also have a free Hypnobirthing taster session on Sunday 30th October at 7pm. you can brag your space here: https://www.cornwallhypnobirthing.co.uk/service-page/october-free-hypnobirthing-taster-zoom?referral=service_list_widget

The Rose and Her Thorns - The Birth Gathering 2022 - By Beth Russell

If you follow me on social media you are probably already aware that I went on the most wonderful Birth Gather last weekend. I was going to get around to writing a blog about it, however the lovely Beth from @birth.ology, who I was lucky enough to meet meet and chat with that weekend, beat me to it and wrote an absolute dream of blog all about it. So instead of reinventing the wheel I asked Beth if she would be happy to feature as a guest blog spot here! Thankfully she agreed, so here I am sharing her words on this wonderful, transformative and powerful gathering. Firstly, a bit about Beth before we begin. She is a Norfolk based midwife with a passion for human rights in birth who provides person centred care throughout pregnancy, birth and the postnatal period. Beth is totally obsessed with physiology and how women/birthing people bodies and their babies work together. She teaches hypnobirthing, provide midwifery support in person in Norfolk as well as online, and also works on the advice line and is an associate trainer with Birthrights. Beth says her mission is to ensure everyone she supports feels held, empowered and informed to have the birth that’s right for them, whether that’s a homebirth, caesarean birth, induced birth or a freebirth!

"It is no secret that the birth world is quaking, fracturing at the seams… and with it sways the future of midwifery, risking the rite of passage of all who birth or are affected by birth. Simply put, every last one of us. This weekend we dove deep into the cracks of this quaking world, we cried and grieved but we also laughed, hugged and danced, finding joy in the sorrow and inching towards a better future.

As I arrived on the land, I knew I’d made the right choice in coming. It had been a hectic week, my head chaotic and whirling with the million things I yet needed to do. My mind fit to burst with the conundrum of it all… I had decided not to come. Then found myself packing to go in spite of myself. As we pulled up to the field, I felt calm and I felt good. Of course it had been the right decision (in spite of the 8.5 hour drive to get there!).

The opening ceremony revealed a group of incredible people from all over the country (and beyond!). We each spoke a few words and found one another reflected in the familiar strangers across the room. As rain poured outside we drank tea and began to know one another, quickly becoming comfortable in a way that only birthy folk seem to!

By the following morning, firm bonds had been made. A group of us filled our bellies with delicious hot porridge then set out for a morning dip in the sea. Slipping and sliding down the rocks, we eventually made it to the sand and ran into the salty waves to wake ourselves for the day ahead. Oh my, if every day could start that way! After a sketchy scrabble back up to the rocks, we made our way to the main marquee for the first session of the day.

Throughout the morning we explored how we can reclaim authentic midwifery as this crisis threatens to consume us. How can we come back to the root of being “with” (mid) “woman” (wife)? Evony Lynch has been a midwife inside and out of the system for many years. She spoke with such eloquence about the joy and heartbreak of NHS midwifery and the challenges in carving a way outside of this. As Evony spoke I felt seen in so many ways. It is not we who are at fault, not our knowledge or skills that are out of place, but the system that fails to celebrate these skills and fails to recognise the subtleties and nuances that influence all types of birth. If knowledge was openly shared, intuition and empirical evidence respected, and women/birthing people trusted to make the choices that were right for them, I’m quite sure the picture of birth would be entirely different.

Next, the incredible Joy Horner explored the dimensions of shamanic midwifery, considering the inextricable link between birth and death. She investigated the importance for those who work within birth to become aquatinted with it’s link to death, recognising their strengths to be drawn upon when supporting people at these times. Both are rites of passage which mark and transform all whom they touch. Both deserve reverence, respect and autonomy from the individual experiencing that rite of passage. Joy explored this and so much more in her session. What an honour it was to have the opportunity to learn from her! She is a midwife (now birth keeper) that I have looked up to for a long time; her knowledge and wisdom alongside her capacity for kindness, compassion and excellent humour is unparalleled. We need more Joy in this world! Following this session, grief bubbled through for many, met with space and kindness in abundance. It was clear this weekend would be quite a journey for us all!

The wonderful James had made an incredible lunch - the sun graced us with her presence for a brief moment before the rain thundered down once more. The weather somehow mirrored the experience of the day, anger and grief raining down matched by joy and hope as the strong emotions were released and given somewhere safe to land. Beya gave a beautiful space for exactly this by holding a circle where all who wanted to could debrief on things that were coming up for them. Meanwhile others had the opportunity to adorn themselves with the (wonderful smelling) artwork of Seema, learning how to use henna.

After an equally delicious supper we met back in the yurt for a meditation with rose tea led by Sarka and Emily. The rose was almost intoxicating, the perfect way to end this incredible day. The magic (and meditation) continued with a spontaneous intuitive dance session with Lara before a hot sauna and one of the most peaceful nights sleep I’ve had in a while (despite a leaking tent and hammering rain!).

The morning brought another beautiful swim - the waves were strong and wild, reminding me in many ways of birth. Birth is both beautiful and powerful, but like the sea deserves respect. Walking into the waves without preparation (learning to swim) and awareness of my individual needs (to be able to touch the bottom and keep my head above water) would not be wise. Yet approaching it with respect, knowing my unique needs and feeling comfortable with the ‘risk’ I am taking by entering it’s depths meant I could experience the moment for all it’s beauty. (After all, no choice in life is without risk).

The final day of the gathering brought a fantastic session on twin birth by doula and twin parent Sarah. Exploring birth with medical complexities, greater risk and a very real threat of mortality helped to bring home the importance of care being centred on the individual and most importantly truly listening the the pregnant person. My eyes were opened to lessons about twin birth that I had never been exposed to in university or clinical practice. We are never the finished article. Women/birthing people and other birth workers will continue to teach me until I leave this earth!

Next we had the opportunity to learn from Lux, a traditional midwife from Brazil. Learning as an apprentice she has built and honed her midwifery skills over time, beginning to attend births alone only in this past year. What a wonderful way to become a midwife, I have so often wondered what it would be like if we learned this way in the UK. Her understanding of the intricacies of birth was so clear. I could have listened to her speak for hours, she brought such a calmness to the room as she spoke. Her husband also brought some beautiful, hand carved wooden pinards which we used to listen to lovely Katie’s little one.

The final session was with the dream team Evony and Joy, discussing birth support skills (featuring Joy’s incredible pelvis pants!). Between nuggets of midwifery goodness from these two wise women and some great discussions, one of the tiniest members of the audience beautifully demonstrated the birth of a footling breech through the pelvis! Seeing children immersed in the birth world throughout the weekend was a definite high, it was a reminder of how this knowledge always used to be passed down. Perhaps this is something we will continue to reclaim in years to come. Birth is ours, and it is everyones. Yet we seem to know so little about it until it is staring at us out of the two red lines on a pregnancy test.

As the weekend drew to a close, we gathered in the yurt for a closing ceremony. We went around the packed room and each said a little about our experience. The magic of the bubble we had created throughout the weekend was palpable. Many of us had started the weekend with aching hearts, feeling a little lost, our hope dwindling. Whilst it is incredibly clear that we have a long way to go, this weekend has filled my cup up to the brim. It was the tonic I didn’t realise I needed! Looking around the room at all of those incredible humans, I know there is better yet to come. With these wise, passionate, humble humans out there in the birth world, the future of birth is brighter than I had dared to believe when I left my home on Friday."

You can find Beth on Facebook and Instagram (@birth.ology) and her website is www.birthology.uk

Andy's Dad's Eye View of His Wife's Birth Journey.

You can read Kerrie's birth story on my website (click here to be directed to it) but I particularly wanted to share Andy's take on it, quite simply because it's not very often that I get a birth story written through the eyes of a father. Here is Andy's honest and powerful take on their birth experience. It shows how much of an impact care providers can have (both positive and negative), and the importance of being knowledgeable and prepared for what may come your way! The decision of what happens to you, your baby and your body is 100% yours, but I won't sit here typing this and lie to you that that will always be respected unfortunately. Andy tells it as it was for him!

"43+ 2 Weeks

After reading all we could find on pregnancy and child birth my wife and I couldn’t wait to meet our little baby, during the pregnancy we attended a hypnobirthing course with Terri at Cornwall hypnobirthing. Although this taught us many things one thing that stuck in both of our minds was the importance of patience, oh boy did we need that!

The elephant in the room during our pregnancy was Covid 19 and so I’ll touch on that because if and when it all goes away there were benefits from it that maybe useful to others. Obviously what happened world wide was tragic but in my opinion there was only a few negative ways it affected us. The biggest of these downsides being I could no longer accompany my wife to the midwife appointments or her final scan. I just got to sit in the carpark and wait for her like a lemon. I wasn’t upset for me at all just felt a bit useless and for a man that’s not how we want to feel. Other than that, the reduction in available distractions and our seriously reduced social circle all played into our hands meaning the two of us got some much needed rest and time together, I was stressed at work (we both run our own businesses) but my wife was incredibly understanding of that and certainly in the final 6 weeks of the pregnancy all this seemed to bring us closer together. The only other way in which Covid changed our plan is that we had originally planned to go to the birth centre in Truro but at around 35 weeks we decided we felt more comfortable having the baby at home, this is something we had considered before but Covid gave us the final push we needed and I’m glad it did. Only slight issue is our home is a bit of a building site, 300 years old with narrow stairs and has terrible access, needless to say our less than supportive midwife was not impressed. Never ones to be easily swayed, we made our decision and we stuck to it. I think it’s fair to say that it was after this that the less than satisfactory care we had received from our midwife went further down hill, more on that later.

After what can only be described as a beautiful pregnancy with minimal discomfort and sickness we both arrived at 37 weeks fresh faced and perhaps too ready. At 38 weeks my wife got “the show” and we both had a gut feeling the baby was on its way, in what in hindsight could now be seen as a silly move we jumped in the car and picked up the last few things on our list and ended up being busy all day, long story short, the baby didn’t come, if nothing else though, it brought it home that it could be any time now.

Hypnobirthing had made us very excited about our birth and although there is always trepidation I personally felt very confident in my role as birth partner, it was so clear in my mind what I needed to do that I could clearly visualise it. I think that is probably worth doing for any birth partner who hasn’t been at a birth before, unbeknown to my wife I spent a fair bit of time visualising a not so successful birth also but always with the desired outcome, this gave me confidence I could cope if things did go wrong but I was careful not to discuss that with my wife as what you visualise has a habit of becoming a reality. I’m very practically minded so knew I would need a gauge on which to base any decisions, I chose heart rate and blood pressure and decided that regardless of time, changes in these would be the only time I would consider a change of plan. This did cause me a slight panic at one stage that perhaps I should have prepared better for but we’ll come to that later.

Once we hit 40 weeks we were really hopeful of an arrival soon but knew that it could be a lot longer so we needed to stay calm, this is where the fact finding on stats came in as we had been made aware that pressure from the medics to be induced would become more and more intense. At around 40+2 my wife had another appointment with her midwife, she didn’t get the support she needed just offered a “sweep” as if it was a werthers original and a lecture about late babies. Also told the baby was back to back but with no advice on how they may be turned, we also now know the baby likely went back to back as a result of sitting with her feet up to reduce swelling (Midwife’s orders) She left in tears and I was angry!

Needless to say we didn’t hurry to make another appointment with our current midwife. All her checks had been great and we knew that a baby is not overdue until 42 weeks, we also knew that dating scans are not that accurate (although there haven’t been many studies) the only one we could find said +\- 15 days, we also had a suspicion that our date was 10 days out. I should say here that I’m sure in certain situations our midwife was very capable however we found her to not be interested in facts (something very important to my wife) and to be quite robotic, we just didn’t click and definitely should have changed sooner.

At 42 weeks our research suggested that two areas of concern are amniotic fluid levels and the ageing placenta (although there is no real evidence of the latter) a quick scan of the NHS guidance said we were entitled to, and encouraged to have a couple scans a week and hence on the Sunday of 42 I took my wife in for a check up and she booked a scan, My wife was given the litigation “against guidelines” talk and it was agreed that this would not be mentioned again, they said they would send evidence to back up their guidelines (ironically in the post, if they really wanted us to have it they would have been emailed it but this was purely a litigation action which I entirely understand albeit a little insensitive) they wanted us to have check ups everyday but that wasn’t for us, we live too far away and our priority was staying chilled but we did stick to the scans, thankfully the results were good but after the first scan, Kerrie was encouraged to go and see the midwife, BIG MISTAKE. This was the second time she left in floods of tears, I can’t tell you how angry I was that someone who’s job it is to support the mother would do this for a second time. To cut a long story short she told my extremely well researched and highly intellectual wife that our baby might die if they weren’t induced and it wasn’t a time to be ‘selfish’ she failed to provide any evidence for this scare mongering and pretty much wouldn’t let her leave until she accepted she was being selfish.

The good news is that this spurred an action that I implore others to take much sooner, our midwife had to go (sadly not into retirement but at least out of our lives) we wrote a letter to the head of midwifery asking for a change and we were rewarded with a very warm and supportive reply that reinstated our faith in the system, we had to go through the legal stuff again but done in a much more professional manner. It was at this time the “evidence” arrived in the post, strangely a child at school wouldn’t get away with stating a fact without referencing its origin or giving a full picture but the NHS do. Their data seemed to match a study that had given us great confidence that we read on the AIMS website (well worth a visit) but the NHS info was not placed in context, namely that your baby is at far more risk at being born at 38 weeks than they are at 42...albeit 42 is slightly higher risk that 40. Basically there is very little evidence and that really adds to the confusion. GO WITH YOUR GUT and know that induction and C section come with great risks that in our opinion outweighed waiting.

These 3 weeks from 40 were hard, we live in a small village, everywhere we went we were continually asked, when are “they” going to induce you, as if we had no choice in the matter. When we summoned the energy to explain our reasons people were generally supportive but it was exhausting, definitely not what you need before going into the biggest day of your life. My advice would be pick a birth month and don’t utter a date because as soon as you do, you have applied pressure that you really don’t want or need!

On top of the stress of being supposedly “overdue” we had some dormant stresses regarding our home come to light, two separate highly stressful incidents that meant that at 43+1 my wife and I were essentially moving house until 10pm at night, 12500 steps and 42 flights climbed later (my wife’s watch told us) we went to bed physically and emotionally exhausted...only issue being our little one had other ideas, our heads finally hit the pillow at 11:30 and my wife started to complain of back pain, she suffers from that a lot, I jokingly text a work colleague saying either she was in labour or her back was out as a result of moving house at 43 weeks pregnant.

10 minutes later, another pain, 8 minutes after that another, then 6 minutes then 4 minutes then constantly every 2 minutes for 40 seconds. Both my mum and my wife’s mum had fast labours and hence we called the midwife and my wife said there was no time to get to hospital we would have the baby at home. This was met with some distain by the lady in triage who no doubt knew our case as the “awkward ones” by this time. She also assured me that the baby would not arrive quickly and although I have my own theory on this, she turned out to be absolutely correct. She did tell me that she wasn’t allowed in the pool until a midwife got there....oops too late!

About 2 hours in, the Midwife’s turned up and my wife’s contractions slowed to every 5 minutes but still intense. I’m not sure on midwife protocol but it seems there is one lead and one note taker/auxiliary. In our case the lead was a lady called Liz and she was amazing. She understood hypnobirthing and gave all information to me to pass onto Kerrie while I supported her. She pretty much left us to it as my wife was in such great control, no screaming just utter focus! I’m sure they say it to everyone but I believed Liz when she praised my wife for how she was coping it was unreal and much of that has to be put down to the hypnobirthing course that although we didn’t practice too much we did understand and agree with the premise. It was just like the videos they showed us to prove that labour doesn’t have to be traumatic! She was really doing it and my pride was overflowing.

The first and in my opinion the only hurdle was lurking in the wings from before the start and that was exhaustion, she had no sleep and couldn’t take on food or water, this started to really show itself about 5 hours in, contractions were still regular but they were weaker, I know my wife and I knew she was tired. I knew again from hypnobirthing that there was nothing stopping her lying down and taking a rest, nothing that is apart from my wife’s stubbornness, when she starts something she wants to finish it, as seen by the house clearance the night before!

I was by her side throughout and definitely did not feel like a spare part, keeping the pool at temp was a full time job and if I moved more than 12 inches from my wife she clearly told me I was not to move! I too was exhausted and started to wonder how she could possibly keep going. I was immensely proud to overhear during the 8am handover of the Midwives that I was doing a great job they could leave me to it and just monitor!

About 10 hours in with an old school midwife in the wings (not in the room) and a typical know it all Dr on the phone, murmurs of transfer to hospital set in, my wife wasn’t having examinations and hence they could only guess but the words “failure to progress” were thrown around by “Mrs old school”. Luckily our new primary midwife, like Liz had been, was amazing and we privately chatted about bullying my wife into taking a rest.

After some cajoling and promises (guesses) that the labour would be quicker in the long run I managed to help her out of the pool and into the bed, she wasn’t happy about it but after a lot of extreme offshore sailing I knew the power of even 2 minutes of sleep, she rested for about 20 minutes and probably slept for about 8 minutes between contractions, In hindsight I should have strapped her to the bed but as she rested the contractions grew in strength again and my wife was eager to get going, back in the pool she went and another few hours went by, she still didn’t have the energy to progress and I knew she needed more rest but this was a harder sell the second time. She was getting pretty disheartened by this point though and knowing my wife and knowing how her brain works I gave her two options, one was rest, the other was a trip to hospital and potentially a c-section. She agreed to rest again and this time I stood fast and made sure she laid there for the best part of an hour, she was uncomfortable and only sleeping for seconds between contractions but in bed you are not holding your body and hence your muscles get a chance to recover. In hindsight I should have got her to rest as soon as her contractions slowed but hey hindsight is a wonderful thing and we all make mistakes.

The next stage is where in some ways we departed from our original course a bit and I suppose got a bit of luck just when we needed it. My wife was so tired she was clutching at straws really and after probably 12 hours of saying no to examinations she agreed to have one as she really had no idea how close (or far) she was. Rosie the midwife was great and really put her mind at rest telling she was leading the exam and it could stop at any time. I’m not a religious man but thank god, she was 9.5cm dilated (I suspect she had been near that for the last 10 hours)

Her waters had also not broken and although we normally wouldn’t agree with them breaking them, in this instance we didn’t see it could do anything but help, there was meconium but that’s to be expected with a baby 3 weeks over so it didn’t worry anyone, although it did give Mrs Old school another excuse for a hospital transfer lecture.

Overall this news gave my wife just that little bit more fight she needed that she could still do it, I don’t know where she summoned it but she found some energy and although things didn’t happen as quick as she hoped after about 90 mins she agreed to a second exam “Mrs Old School” was in the room now and she was so keen on calling an ambulance that I wasn’t completely sure she would admit it if Kerrie was fully dilated. Once again luck (and an monumental effort from my wife) was on our side and she was fully dilated. Again this somehow meant she found a little more energy.

Mrs Old School directed her to push whilst holding her breath, I disagreed and told Kerrie to do as she felt, this did not go down very well and I have to say I don’t think Mrs old school likes me!

She did push and with all her might, now I will never know if this departure from the hypnobirthing breathing was what turned things into a minor emergency or if perhaps that would have happened anyway...as I said before my chosen metric which was heart rate and blood pressure and it had not wavered throughout on mum or baby...until now! Suddenly our superstar Rosie couldn’t find a heart beat and when she occasionally did it was very weak and slow. I’m pretty experienced at faking calm but I can honestly say I was panicking. Mrs old school finally got her wish to call an ambulance and myself and superstar Rosie set about, as she put it, beating the bus. Neither of us had ever coached a football team but with all the woops and cheers you wouldn’t know it, as stated before my wife tops the stubbornness charts and she wasn’t about to get into an ambulance unless she had to! Slow and steady progress was made and hope was regaining, I have no idea how long this took, it felt like 3 minutes but could have easily been 30! Once the head was visible we could also see a hand, just to make things more difficult. Due to this and a lack of heart rate and various other factors mainly relating to an overdue baby we agreed to an epiziotomie, it was quick and painless and immediately helped progress, next issue, shoulder dystocia, again common in post date babies but potentially dangerous. Credit where it’s due, Mrs old school and Teresa (our lovely auxiliary midwife) sprung into action with a manoeuvre called McRoberts, not exactly delicate but highly effective, especially if you are interested in hydraulics. I have since googled it and found that not everyone does it with such force but I’m not complaining, with the second round our beautiful baby boy slid into the world at speed! It was my job to announce the sex and as they placed him on mums chest I caught a glimpse of his tiny little winky (and massive ball sack, who knew?)

He is a whopper at 10 pound 7 ounces and the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. He was the largest and latest baby our midwife had ever delivered (already breaking records)

I have learnt a level of respect for all mothers that I couldn’t have dreamed possible, not least my stunningly beautiful, stubborn, super hero of a wife! I have to say next time I think I am running out of steam I will try to channel just 1 % of what got her through 15 gruelling hours with no food and barely any water or sleep, I am forever in her debt and I will make sure our darling son William knows that too. Thanks also go to all the midwives who attended especially Liz, Rosie and Teresa. Terri at Cornwall hypnobirthing and to mine and my wife’s parents for bringing us up to use our own minds, form our own opinions and make our own informed decisions. It’s not easy to go against guidance when it at least appears to put you more at risk but my message to care providers that hate people like me and my wife, is, just because we don’t agree, that does not mean we don’t care for the well-being of our unborn child, stats (of which there are few on this topic) are there to be interpreted and the picture is much bigger than labour itself. I hope that the decisions we made not only put our son at the least possible risk but also gave him the best possible start in life coming into the world un-drugged and with immediate skin to skin contact with mum and dad. All that said I would be lying if I didn’t say that when the sh%# hit the fan all of those decisions we had made flashed before my eyes with a deep sense of regret, perhaps we got lucky, perhaps we played the odds, we will never know but all I can advise is GO WITH YOUR GUT."

Hypnobirthing isn't just for one type of birth, it's not against medical intervention, it's not anti anything. It's about knowing your options, your rights, your choices, feeling powerful to speak up and be heard, feeling ready and knowing the importance of listening to your body. It's all of these things and more!